Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
