just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
