That's when you crack a 10am beer
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Randomize
