Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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