what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
This gyro tastes like lonliness
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
