I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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