i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
