my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
