I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
