i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
