Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
You need a sexual gate keeper
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Drunk is not a location!
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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