I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
the day after is always just damage control
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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