I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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