i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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