i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
