My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
