trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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