I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
