Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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