Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
