her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
