Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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