you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
