My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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