Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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