You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
