I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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