hell yes lets make some ravioli
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
