Sponge bath it is.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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