Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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