The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
