My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
