Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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