Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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