my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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