so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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