And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
