his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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