On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
