and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
