the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
