Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
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