we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
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