I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
