I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
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