a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
