this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
