Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
