I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
