At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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