everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Randomize
