Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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